Where exactly does Morbius fit within the ever-shifting, occasionally intertwined world of the Sonyverse and the MCU? Well, that’s not a question that the film itself is willing to explicitly answer. In fact, the answer to that question is deliberately dangled and left unanswered, which should probably go some way toward setting up the general tone for this review.

Morbius quickly validates every assumption made about it, and makes the repeated delays all the more baffling at the same time. Most of its dialogue is mumbled incoherently, but at the times when it can be understood, it’s so forced that it makes you wish for the mumbling to resume.

Morbius‘ visuals are almost as incoherent as its dialogue. With all of its action shot in the most deliberately shaky fashion imaginable, it’s difficult to understand exactly what’s occurring during its action scenes – except, it really isn’t, because it turns out that Morbius‘ vampires are virtually unstoppable.

It’s rare that a film can be described as willfully stupid, but Morbius fits the bill. Its plot is held together by the vaguest of threads, and its narrative developments make about as much sense as Jared Leto’s career. Morbius simply flits from one idea to the next, carrying with it the vague notion that we’re all supposed to care about what’s happening even though the film itself does nothing to establish any real weight to its story.

In this, Morbius is emblematic of everything wrong with modern cinema. With one or two small Easter eggs (Michael Keaton’s brief post-credits cameo and the passing mention of “an event in San Francisco” that seemingly references Venom), Morbius is pure fluff – there’s no genuine substance, nor is there style, nor is there any real acting. The worst part of all is that Jared Leto and Matt Smith are both talented actors, but they’re utterly wasted in their ridiculous roles.

What’s more, Morbius attempts to give its titular vampire the modern villain treatment: making him more sympathetic by peppering in random heroic traits and a tragic backstory. However, in this particular instance, it rings hollow. In fact, it doesn’t just ring hollow, it’s entirely void of anything of note – it’s just a collection of tropes thrown together with excessive CGI holding it together.

Perhaps the best way to describe Morbius would be to simply label it a waste of time. It’s just a cheap regurgitation of the same tired elements of every modern superhero movie without any humor or charm to make it interesting. Put simply, it would be far better to forget Morbius ever existed in the hopes that its titular (villain? anti-hero?) vampire is never given another chance.

Rating: 25%

Summary: Morbius is the embodiment of everything wrong with modern cinema. It’s a tie-in movie with nothing to tie into, making it the movie equivalent of several bats wearing a trench coat in order to look human – it’s not fooling anyone.

Highlights: The film’s climactic fight scene sees Morbius harness the power of bats in what may be the most ridiculous comic book movie moment in recent memory.