2. Steven Seagal – Steven Seagal Is…
Close your eyes briefly, and picture Steven Seagal. You were picturing an anthropomorphic ponytail with a handgun, weren’t you?
Well, Seagal does actually have one more trademark, and that is… adding his name to his movie titles.
Instead of cracking jokes, let’s just make a list of the funniest examples, and all will become clear.
Steven Seagal is… Above the Law.
Steven Seagal is… Hard to Kill.
Steven Seagal is… Marked for Death.
Steven Seagal is… Out for Justice.
Steven Seagal is… Under Siege.
Steven Seagal is… On Deadly Ground.
Steven Seagal is… Under Siege 2: Dark Territory.
(the above are literally his first 7 film roles, in order)
Steven Seagal is… Half Past Dead.
Steven Seagal is… Out for a Kill.
Steven Seagal is in the… Belly of the Beast.
Steven Seagal is… Out of Reach.
Steven Seagal is… Against the Dark.
Steven Seagal is… Driven to Kill.
Steven Seagal is… A Dangerous Man.
Steven Seagal is… Born to Raise Hell.
Steven Seagal is a… Force of Execution.
Steven Seagal is… The Perfect Weapon.
Steven Seagal is… Beyond the Law.
The saddest part is, this isn’t even all of his films. These are just the ones that best prove the theory that Steven Seagal is… titling his own movies. He’s also in a near identical pose on every poster, pistol drawn, looking off into the distance. Super cool.
(One personal favorite in line with this pattern is Fire Down Below. Hopefully, Mr. Seagal saw a doctor about that one…)